Recently a friend of mine came to visit beautiful west cork from London. Our 7 and 9 year old son were taking turns on the piano. “Why doesn’t he have a teacher” my friend remarked as our 9 year old started to play “Jenny’s theme” from the movie forest Gump by ear.
“He is learning and a teacher will only spoil his motivation” was my reply.
This kind of approach is new to her as parents normally get scared of missing the right time to teach a child. The truth is a teacher is not the same as his natural way of trying to master this skill.
We parents and teacher get nervous and tremendously concerned when kids get to play as much as they want, cause time is precious and when on earth are they going to learn if they play all day?
Why do we think play is a waste of time? If we watch puppies or kittens we see that they are born with a drive and ability to just……. play.
My journey as a mother has been testing my ability to trust. Let’s face it. Do we teach them how to crawl, walk or talk? The language is the hardest thing to learn and children do it all on their own without teacher-pupil atmosphere.
Most of the learning occurs in the youngest years – and that is when children play all day – that is if we let them.
We need to stop thinking that watching TV is creative because it simply is the opposite. It should in fact not be part of a Child's life in the first 7 years at all. The TV issue is another Article on its own.
Kids need toys that encourage creativity. For instance, paper, paints, blocks, dolls, dress up, clay, sandbox, pots and pans, outside climbing activities also, common household items children may have access to when they want to imitate household related activities such as cooking, cleaning, fixing and building with tools.
The best thing is to ignore designed toys that force specific results or that directs the outcome of the play, and that discourages the input of the Child's thought process e.g. colouring books, toys with press buttons that produce set results or dolls equipped with specific emotional actions and toys that imitate television or movie characters.
My experience as a mother of four children has taught me that I can trust, because children play and their best learning happens through playing. They are curious by nature. They want to know and figure out the world. Kids constantly challenge themselves and are driven to succeed. And this is a built in process called “play”.
I am even going to take it a step further, if kids got to play all their childhood they would be ready for the real life. They would have all the basic skills to handle things.
Instead we get nervous and presume that we will be late if we don’t get started! With what? We mold them and make them do or learn things that are completely contrary to what they are cut out for. It is never too late to acquire knowledge but often it is dangerously too early and out of rhythm with the inner world of the child.
Kids know what is emotionally, intellectually and socially best for them.
Children who are allowed to play and direct their own path will study anything to get them where they want to go. All we have to do is trust!!!
My own kids go through all sorts of phases and playtime. In our house you can find Lego and blocks built all the way through 2 rooms – kitchen and living room. Days will pass and sometimes weeks are invested in these games. While doing this, they communicate act and observe the laws of the universe. Kids don’t really need much. Access to nature through a garden, park or yard combined with the permission to investigate in the kitchen cupboards. This may be difficult for some parents expecting everything tidy and neat but let them be and you will save money on therapy later.
For kids, life is play and play is learning. And by the way play is social. When a bunch of kids get together no matter what age, social skills are being learned as the play pals feelings and needs have to be taken into consideration. I know that every adult has this sense of providing the kids limits and discipline but the truth is these are the qualities of children’s play – because they form rules and are quite strict about them.
So where is our role in all this?
We are all kids in a way, too. We want have a part in this big adventure. However as parents we get no leading roles because true creative play needs no active encouragement or support. We have to take ourselves back and don’t have to play the entertainer for our kids. But that does not mean, we put them into all sorts of classes and fill their weekly calendar with activities. That is not the kind of “standing back” I mean.
We should see ourselves as the safety net of the trampoline. They can fall back on us if they need us. We need to encourage play by standing back without intervention or interruption.
Instead, we can give a child a sense of respect of her choices and actions. Respecting and letting them play is our role and exposing them to good ideas but not imposing.
Parents need to learn to be authentic and equal partners. Most of the time we evaluate, praise or show exaggerated enthusiasm. Kids are smart they can tell the difference.
That is why kids are great for one another because they are authentic. They don’t need to be the same age to play together and it works out best when kids choose their own playmates and not the parents.
If you are an authentic parent then you have went down that path and discovered this essential element of life called play. We are too serious and have drawn thick lines between play and daily life and also between play and study. Let’s trust our children because we can learn a lot from them. Maybe then our lost passion for life, play etc. will return.
