Busy enjoying my life

Well, what can I actually say about not writing....????

Well, the weather is great - the garden needs attention - and I have been reading great books lately.

Also, my kids are into all sorts of wonderful things. And I want to be with them.

But if you want to read about our time in France, then go ahead. I will promise to write more soon.

Life is sometimes too lovely to waste on the Internet....xxx N.J.

http://ournewlifeinfrance.blogspot.com/

Doubt.........

If you're worried about what others think of your
parenting, consider this:

MAYBE they're judging you; maybe not. But *you* are
DEFINITELY judging yourself!

Your emotional reaction (worry) is the tip-off to your
self-judgment. If you were absolutely confident in
your parenting, you might be *aware* of others judging
you, and that would inform your choices, but it
wouldn't get under your skin.

This doesn't mean you should try to eliminate all
doubt. Uncertainty is a necessary part of any
leading-edge path. It makes you a better learner.

When you embrace doubt and practice being "confidently
uncertain," you'll stop needing others' approval.
Better yet, some of them will drop their judgments and
grow to appreciate or even emulate your ways!

Happy 1.12.11 may the christmas feeling start ;-)

The Book I am reading at the moment!

Introduction

Chocolat begins with the arrival in a tiny French village of Vianne Rocher, a single mother with a young daughter, on Shrove Tuesday. As the inhabitants of Lansquenet-sous-Tannes clear away the remains of the carnival which heralds the beginning of Lent, Vianne moves with her daughter into a disused bakery facing the church, where Francis Reynaud, the young and opinionated curé of the parish, watches her arrival with disapproval and suspicion.

When he realizes that Vianne intends to open a chocolate shop in place of the old bakery, thereby tempting the churchgoers to over-indulgence, Reynaud's disapproval increases.

As it becomes clear that the villagers of Lansquenet are falling under the spell of Vianne's easy ways and unorthodox opinions, to the detriment of his own authority, he is quick to see her as a danger. Under Vianne's influence an old woman embraces a new life, a battered wife finds the courage to leave her husband, children rebel against authority, outcasts and strays are welcomed... and Reynaud's tight and carefully ordered community is in danger of breaking apart. As Easter approaches, both parties throw themselves whole-heartedly into the preparations; Vianne for the chocolate festival she plans to hold on Easter Sunday, Reynaud into a desperate attempt to win back his straying flock. Both factions have a great deal at stake; the village is bitterly divided; and as the big day looms closer their struggle becomes much more than a conflict between church and chocolate - it becomes an exorcism of the past, a declaration of independence, a showdown between dogma and understanding, pleasure and self-denial.

Background

"My daughter was three when I wrote Chocolat. She is one of the main characters in the story, as is her imaginary rabbit, Pantoufle. I like to think that was what began it; for the first time I felt ready to write like a mother, to try and express some of what it felt like to me. That started me thinking about my own mother and the members of my family, in France and elsewhere, and that's why so many of them are depicted in this book. My great-grandmother, especially, to whom the book is dedicated, is a strong influence, being at the same time a wonderful cook, a powerful matriarchal figure as well as being (as I remember her best) a lively, eccentric and generous Mémée. Denounced from the local pulpit for daring to send her son to a secular school rather than a fee-paying Catholic one, she was the template for both Vianne and Armande, and her picture is on the back cover of the book, just as I remember her, in her garden with her milk-jug in one hand. Armande's red petticoats belong to her, as does the manner of Armande's death, her refusal to conform and her impudent zest for life. Vianne's belief in magic also belongs to her, as do many of her recipes.

I first planned out this story during the Easter holidays, and so it seemed natural to me that I should set it at that time. Easter to me has many memories and associations, all of them French; elaborate carnivals, egg-hunts in my great-grandmother's garden, the story about the flying bells, the exquisite displays in the windows of the confiseries and pâtisseries. The Catholic church, of course, still so influential in French communities. And chocolate. It seems very strange to me that Easter should now be so closely linked with fasting and self-denial. Originally Easter was a time of feasting and celebration and the rebirth of Spring. The pagan traditions which still survive all prove it. And it's ironic, too, that we should have come full circle. The shops are never so full of temptations as they are at Easter. I wanted to write a book about that conflict between indulgence and guilt, with chocolate as the central metaphor.

I also wanted to write about people, and about how the arrival of a single individual can affect the internal politics of a community. My books often focus on small communities and the interaction between their inhabitants. The smaller the group, the more dramatic the consequences when someone introduces change. Lansquenet is not a real place, though it is closely based on a little town I know well and I have tried to make it as authentic as I can. It could be anywhere. The rivalries and jealousies of people are almost the same wherever you go.

Nor is the book set at any particular time. I deliberately wanted to give it an old-fashioned feel, to suggest that this was a place where nothing had changed in many years, whilst retaining some elements of modern life. There are still many rural communities in France - especially in the south - where this remains a true depiction, but Chocolat was never intended to be an accurate representation of "today's France". It is a France seen through a very selective, very personal filter which has as much to do with nostalgia as with present-day realism.

Lastly I wanted to write about magic. Not the popular view, but about the magic of everyday things and the way something quite ordinary can, given the right circumstances, take on extraordinary properties. Vianne's belief in the supernatural seems dangerous, even sinister, to Reynaud. And yet it is her very human qualities - her understanding and her kindness to others - which make her what she is. She does nothing which could not be achieved by purely ordinary means. Her magic, working as it does through simple pleasures, is accessible to everyone. If she is a witch, as Reynaud believes, then so is anyone else with similar values. We live in a world which is becoming increasingly complicated around us; we are bombarded with mixed messages and impossible targets from the media; like Reynaud we have learned to demonize pleasure and to be afraid of our feelings. Chocolat was my reaction against that; a plea for tolerance of others but also of ourselves, a reminder that to be fallible is both natural and allowed; that self-indulgence isn't always bad; that testing people to destruction isn't the way to make them better people.

There are no real heroes or villains in Chocolat. Even Reynaud, with his intransigence and his dark past, is more of a victim than an oppressor. His deep insecurity and his desire for order reflect Vianne's own need to belong, and her fear of being rejected. Nor is the Catholic church the villain of the piece; Reynaud uses his own interpretation of Catholicism to enforce his own agenda of control and self-denial. Vianne does the same in a gentler way, but she too has preconceptions and prejudices, and like Reynaud, she is a victim of her past. I see Vianne and Reynaud as two sides of a single coin; closer in terms of their background, their fears and their struggle for dominance than anyone else in the story. To me the real difference between them is that Vianne is a mother, whereas Reynaud, ironically, is a Father only in name.

For in Chocolat it is love, and not faith, which ultimately holds the key to salvation. Reynaud fears love (and pleasure, which he equates with sin), whereas Vianne embraces it and encourages its free expression. Because of her love for her daughter Vianne must try to exorcize her past; Reynaud is condemned to relive it in sterile isolation. But no-one in this story is beyond redemption; Vianne and Reynaud are both forced to confront their demons in the end, and I like to think that they both learn something about themselves in the process, and are both able at last to rejoin the human race."

Note from me: It gets you into the christmas mode - in a different way - but everything is so yummy and you just want to eat chocolate all the time........Enjoy xxx

Adventures in France in May 2008 - I decided to post this, as I am planning this trip again with the family - we want to walk the french way.

This brings back memories........

this morning I decided not to be homesick for Ireland and spend the holiday of the 1. may (Labour day) surfing the www.daft.ie to relocate back to Ireland - I made a decision to go walking with the family. I picked out a part of the Compostella route - it goes along our village to Saint Leonard de Noblat packed a rucksack with sandwiches and water - too little as it was gone half way through the walk.........plan better next time.

The pilgrim routes to Santiago del Compostella (French:St Jaques de Compostelle), in NW Spain, have for centuries played an important role in the cultural and commercial development of Europe and, in particular, SW France. The story begins around the year 830AD,with the discovery of the remains of an important tomb at Compostelle(the Latin compostum and compostela mean cemetery). This was believed to be the final resting place of the apostle St James the Great, son of Zebedee (French Jacques). It is believed that after the death of Christ James went to Spain to convert the populace. Later he returned to Judea where he was martyred. His disciples Theodore and Athanase brought his body back to Spain and built the tomb.

The discovery of the tomb came at a turbulent time in Spain, with Christians fighting Muslims for the soul of the country in a conflict that presaged the Crusades to come a couple of centuries later. It provided a focus for Christians high and low born to reconquer the peninsular, and there are many legends surrounding the Saint at that time. A star was supposed to have led to the find, and subsequently the lances of soldiers who were to die sprouted flowers on the eve of their deaths. The Saint is said to have appeared as a shining knight in a battle against the Moors.

By the twelfth century the shrine of St James ranked with Rome and the Holy Land as a destination for pilgrims. Pilgrimages were undertaken as a penance for grievous sins such as murder or adultery, to seek help with health problems, or simply as an act of worship.Visitors to Santiago del Compostela often wore cockle shells on their hats, after the cockles to be found on the coast of Finistere where the Saint's body was brought ashore.

Although pilgrims came from all over Europe, the official start of the pilgrimage were fixed at four points in France: Paris, Vézelay, LePuy and Arles. The routes taken became known as the chemins de Compostelle and the towns along those routes flourished with the trade brought by the pilgrimages. There are many fine and richly endowed churches to be seen along the ways.

Today Santiago del Compostela still attracts pilgrims. While they do not wear the cape hat and cockle shell of the mediaeval travellers, they can still be seen walking or bicycling hundreds of kilometres along the chemins de Compostelle through France and across the Pyrénées. And some of the old hôpitals which offered pilgrims shelter are still there, transformed into modernhotels, such as the Hotel du Vieux Pont, at Sauveterre de Béarn.


Our Trip took 4, 5 hours. And all our kids walked. With Shawn being very hormonal and moany - the first hour was hell.......but the minute we left the 'main road' she turned into that little playing girl again. She had lots of fun. To everybody with growing kids - take them on walks - they first hate it but then they love it - cause you include them and not block them out.

Junah was terrific. He walked all the way and spent most of his time jumping over a stream that was with us all the way. Maddy got into a 'I hate parents ' mood and had to be negotiated with chocolate......it worked. Connor collected sticks and loved the donkeys, pigs and cows we saw on the path. There were lots of locals out today - but when they detect the German accent - they are gone. We stopped at a little chapel and there was a lady playing guitar - just like in Paulo Coehlos book. She was singing and very friendly. She actually said hi. Most of the walkers that were friendly - were foreigners.

We had fantastic weather so the kids took their shoes off the last hour and just walked in the soft gras. Me and Holger loved passing by the nice little hamlets and the farms with their blue window shutters and blossomed cherry trees. The light was fantastic and the views over the valley to the mountains (direction Clemont Ferrand) were breathtaking.

We have returned home all very tired but in a good mood - walking and meditation have allot in common.

I will not tell the kids that I will be doing it again (only another route) I will leave this day with the good motivation and hope to repeat it again with them.

Our busy life........

(the story below was a comment in “The fisherman and the businessman” by Benseddik. I liked it so much that I decided to post it in the main page)

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door.
“Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
“Yeah, sure, what is it?” replied the man.
“Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?
“That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

“I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy.
“If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”
“Oh,” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?”

The father was furious. “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games.”
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00, and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.
“Are you asleep son?” he asked.
“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man. “It’s been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $10.00 you asked for.”
The little boy sat straight up, beaming. “Oh, thank you daddy!” he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills.
The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

“Why did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled.
“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

Responses to “Buying time”

What surprises us most about humanity?

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered

"Man...Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

I really enjoyed this one. A man put the whole "mess" into a few words. Something to think about.
Start today with small changes and you will see.......

Let them play!

Recently a friend of mine came to visit beautiful west cork from London. Our 7 and 9 year old son were taking turns on the piano. “Why doesn’t he have a teacher” my friend remarked as our 9 year old started to play “Jenny’s theme” from the movie forest Gump by ear.

“He is learning and a teacher will only spoil his motivation” was my reply.

This kind of approach is new to her as parents normally get scared of missing the right time to teach a child. The truth is a teacher is not the same as his natural way of trying to master this skill.

We parents and teacher get nervous and tremendously concerned when kids get to play as much as they want, cause time is precious and when on earth are they going to learn if they play all day?

Why do we think play is a waste of time? If we watch puppies or kittens we see that they are born with a drive and ability to just……. play.

My journey as a mother has been testing my ability to trust. Let’s face it. Do we teach them how to crawl, walk or talk? The language is the hardest thing to learn and children do it all on their own without teacher-pupil atmosphere.

Most of the learning occurs in the youngest years – and that is when children play all day – that is if we let them.

We need to stop thinking that watching TV is creative because it simply is the opposite. It should in fact not be part of a Child's life in the first 7 years at all. The TV issue is another Article on its own.

Kids need toys that encourage creativity. For instance, paper, paints, blocks, dolls, dress up, clay, sandbox, pots and pans, outside climbing activities also, common household items children may have access to when they want to imitate household related activities such as cooking, cleaning, fixing and building with tools.

The best thing is to ignore designed toys that force specific results or that directs the outcome of the play, and that discourages the input of the Child's thought process e.g. colouring books, toys with press buttons that produce set results or dolls equipped with specific emotional actions and toys that imitate television or movie characters.

My experience as a mother of four children has taught me that I can trust, because children play and their best learning happens through playing. They are curious by nature. They want to know and figure out the world. Kids constantly challenge themselves and are driven to succeed. And this is a built in process called “play”.

I am even going to take it a step further, if kids got to play all their childhood they would be ready for the real life. They would have all the basic skills to handle things.

Instead we get nervous and presume that we will be late if we don’t get started! With what? We mold them and make them do or learn things that are completely contrary to what they are cut out for. It is never too late to acquire knowledge but often it is dangerously too early and out of rhythm with the inner world of the child.

Kids know what is emotionally, intellectually and socially best for them.

Children who are allowed to play and direct their own path will study anything to get them where they want to go. All we have to do is trust!!!

My own kids go through all sorts of phases and playtime. In our house you can find Lego and blocks built all the way through 2 rooms – kitchen and living room. Days will pass and sometimes weeks are invested in these games. While doing this, they communicate act and observe the laws of the universe. Kids don’t really need much. Access to nature through a garden, park or yard combined with the permission to investigate in the kitchen cupboards. This may be difficult for some parents expecting everything tidy and neat but let them be and you will save money on therapy later.

For kids, life is play and play is learning. And by the way play is social. When a bunch of kids get together no matter what age, social skills are being learned as the play pals feelings and needs have to be taken into consideration. I know that every adult has this sense of providing the kids limits and discipline but the truth is these are the qualities of children’s play – because they form rules and are quite strict about them.

So where is our role in all this?

We are all kids in a way, too. We want have a part in this big adventure. However as parents we get no leading roles because true creative play needs no active encouragement or support. We have to take ourselves back and don’t have to play the entertainer for our kids. But that does not mean, we put them into all sorts of classes and fill their weekly calendar with activities. That is not the kind of “standing back” I mean.

We should see ourselves as the safety net of the trampoline. They can fall back on us if they need us. We need to encourage play by standing back without intervention or interruption.

Instead, we can give a child a sense of respect of her choices and actions. Respecting and letting them play is our role and exposing them to good ideas but not imposing.

Parents need to learn to be authentic and equal partners. Most of the time we evaluate, praise or show exaggerated enthusiasm. Kids are smart they can tell the difference.

That is why kids are great for one another because they are authentic. They don’t need to be the same age to play together and it works out best when kids choose their own playmates and not the parents.

If you are an authentic parent then you have went down that path and discovered this essential element of life called play. We are too serious and have drawn thick lines between play and daily life and also between play and study. Let’s trust our children because we can learn a lot from them. Maybe then our lost passion for life, play etc. will return.