What surprises us most about humanity?

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered

"Man...Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

I really enjoyed this one. A man put the whole "mess" into a few words. Something to think about.
Start today with small changes and you will see.......

Let them play!

Recently a friend of mine came to visit beautiful west cork from London. Our 7 and 9 year old son were taking turns on the piano. “Why doesn’t he have a teacher” my friend remarked as our 9 year old started to play “Jenny’s theme” from the movie forest Gump by ear.

“He is learning and a teacher will only spoil his motivation” was my reply.

This kind of approach is new to her as parents normally get scared of missing the right time to teach a child. The truth is a teacher is not the same as his natural way of trying to master this skill.

We parents and teacher get nervous and tremendously concerned when kids get to play as much as they want, cause time is precious and when on earth are they going to learn if they play all day?

Why do we think play is a waste of time? If we watch puppies or kittens we see that they are born with a drive and ability to just……. play.

My journey as a mother has been testing my ability to trust. Let’s face it. Do we teach them how to crawl, walk or talk? The language is the hardest thing to learn and children do it all on their own without teacher-pupil atmosphere.

Most of the learning occurs in the youngest years – and that is when children play all day – that is if we let them.

We need to stop thinking that watching TV is creative because it simply is the opposite. It should in fact not be part of a Child's life in the first 7 years at all. The TV issue is another Article on its own.

Kids need toys that encourage creativity. For instance, paper, paints, blocks, dolls, dress up, clay, sandbox, pots and pans, outside climbing activities also, common household items children may have access to when they want to imitate household related activities such as cooking, cleaning, fixing and building with tools.

The best thing is to ignore designed toys that force specific results or that directs the outcome of the play, and that discourages the input of the Child's thought process e.g. colouring books, toys with press buttons that produce set results or dolls equipped with specific emotional actions and toys that imitate television or movie characters.

My experience as a mother of four children has taught me that I can trust, because children play and their best learning happens through playing. They are curious by nature. They want to know and figure out the world. Kids constantly challenge themselves and are driven to succeed. And this is a built in process called “play”.

I am even going to take it a step further, if kids got to play all their childhood they would be ready for the real life. They would have all the basic skills to handle things.

Instead we get nervous and presume that we will be late if we don’t get started! With what? We mold them and make them do or learn things that are completely contrary to what they are cut out for. It is never too late to acquire knowledge but often it is dangerously too early and out of rhythm with the inner world of the child.

Kids know what is emotionally, intellectually and socially best for them.

Children who are allowed to play and direct their own path will study anything to get them where they want to go. All we have to do is trust!!!

My own kids go through all sorts of phases and playtime. In our house you can find Lego and blocks built all the way through 2 rooms – kitchen and living room. Days will pass and sometimes weeks are invested in these games. While doing this, they communicate act and observe the laws of the universe. Kids don’t really need much. Access to nature through a garden, park or yard combined with the permission to investigate in the kitchen cupboards. This may be difficult for some parents expecting everything tidy and neat but let them be and you will save money on therapy later.

For kids, life is play and play is learning. And by the way play is social. When a bunch of kids get together no matter what age, social skills are being learned as the play pals feelings and needs have to be taken into consideration. I know that every adult has this sense of providing the kids limits and discipline but the truth is these are the qualities of children’s play – because they form rules and are quite strict about them.

So where is our role in all this?

We are all kids in a way, too. We want have a part in this big adventure. However as parents we get no leading roles because true creative play needs no active encouragement or support. We have to take ourselves back and don’t have to play the entertainer for our kids. But that does not mean, we put them into all sorts of classes and fill their weekly calendar with activities. That is not the kind of “standing back” I mean.

We should see ourselves as the safety net of the trampoline. They can fall back on us if they need us. We need to encourage play by standing back without intervention or interruption.

Instead, we can give a child a sense of respect of her choices and actions. Respecting and letting them play is our role and exposing them to good ideas but not imposing.

Parents need to learn to be authentic and equal partners. Most of the time we evaluate, praise or show exaggerated enthusiasm. Kids are smart they can tell the difference.

That is why kids are great for one another because they are authentic. They don’t need to be the same age to play together and it works out best when kids choose their own playmates and not the parents.

If you are an authentic parent then you have went down that path and discovered this essential element of life called play. We are too serious and have drawn thick lines between play and daily life and also between play and study. Let’s trust our children because we can learn a lot from them. Maybe then our lost passion for life, play etc. will return.

Anything childcare can do, I can do better

Why is it that parents actually pay another person to spend time with their kids? The paid person gets to hear to first words, see the first steps or answer the first curious questions. Frankly they get to share the most precious moments with our children. Now my thoughts are more, is this person going to pay the same amount of attention and love to the child like you? Most likely not. This is a job like any other. What counts is the paycheck.
A job a person attends with his own problems brought from home or his own fears. So, what kind of attention is the child getting? The same attention that all the other 10, 20 or even 30 kids will get. It will be the sort of attention without the sparkling eyes or the loving words of a parent. This is maybe the explanation why so many grownups feel worthless - nothing special.....nothing unique......Generations in all societies where institutions (like Kindergarten, schools) are normal will have these problems. Both parents claim they have to work to meet their obligations -I know that is jumping in the head of the readers dying to get out......BUT lets look at these financial obligations. Let`s see we have a mortgage for the house combined with the average of 2, maybe 3 cars. The constant "keeping up with the Jones" Mentality makes the commercial chains happy with their yearly turnover - Plasma-TV`s, WiFI, Nintendo all things one must have. Of course this kind of lifestyle requires 2 wages. And on top of that not to forget the childcare payment which is usually covered my one of those wages......You see, you can say NO to this - you can change the way you live in seconds by shifting your perspective and giving your family a different priority. If you don`t change then you can be assured that your kids are also going to fall for that consumer culture. They already get little gadgets that teach them how to earn points by working in order to buy things for the little gadget-pet, things like TV, cars, clothes, holidays etc. The message that is transplanted here in very early age is - that you cannot have fun without spending money. Ideas presented to these kids in the lines of walks, picnics, football, swimming or bike riding - all these things make children bored by the thought of it or just sick cause of the physical input required. So, the cycle there continues and is therefor hard to escape.
I would say for parents wanting to spend more time with their children - it is possible. Cut downs would be necessary. I mean giving up on a car, coping with not having certain things may be difficult. BUT you can be sure of one thing. The unconditional love you child will give you when you share the first words, the first steps or the first curious ques ions together. Our world would be a better one if children spent more time with their parents and less time with people that do not really care - how could they ? They don`t have the love a parent has.

Good Morning

This is what we do every morning. The first thing I make my family is fresh juice with my super juicer. My little boy always helps me. The advantages of juice is known to us all. But out of my own experience, I have to say that it is the best for us. It seems to work, as we are all quite healthy. Have fun, go and try it out.

Sunny Mondays in west cork

This morning was so beautiful. We wasted no time, jumped in the car and went off to the beach.

You want to make a difference?

7 days to becoming a better person.

Each day you do something selfless, that will not even take more than a few moments of your time, and experience first hand what it feels like to transform into a genuinely great person. Here’s the challenge:

Day 1 – Tell someone you love them
So many people out there never take the precious time to express how they feel to the ones that are truly important in their life. Expressing your love shouldn’t be seen as taboo or a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of confidence, and an expression of what you really feel. There is nothing more amazing than to know that someone loves you. On this first day of the challenge, choose someone in your life to make them feel that special feeling. It’s very simple, just sit them down and say something along those lines: “You know I don’t say this often enough but I do appreciate our bond and everything that you do for me. So I just wanted to tell you that I love you…I wanted you to know that.” In two minutes, you have made someone’s day….forget day, you’ve made their month! So pick a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a friend….anyone that you truly care about and say the magic word. You may get a little nervous just before, but once you say it, I guarantee you that you will feel amazing. Yes, becoming a better person is not a chore….it actually feels great!

Day 2 – Open your ears and listen
Everyone has their share of issues that they deal with on a daily basis. We all at some point need to be heard. We need to get things out and just blow some steam. Unfortunately, the art of listening is fading away. It’s becoming more and more of a struggle for people to find a good pair of ears to vent off to. So on day 2 of your quest to becoming a better person, you simply have to be there for someone close to you. That’s all you have to do. Listen to them. Let me tell you, I do this all the time with my friends. I make myself available for them and I just listen. You wouldn’t believe how it makes them happy to have someone listen to them. No opinions, no judgment. Listen unconditionally. You may not have realized the power of listening yet, but this exercise will prove it to you. It can make a tremendous difference in someone’s life, and it’s one of the best gifts you can give anyone.

Day 3 – Apologize
We all have made certain mistakes. We’ve all done things we regret. Unfortunately, the majority of the time, we never take the opportunity to make things better, perhaps out of pride or ego. So we carry this along with us. Sure, with time, its impact may fade a little, but there is a much more powerful method to deal with such situations. On day 3, it’s time for you to swallow your pride and apologize. Look into your past. Is there a particular person that you have lost touch with or haven’t spoken to in a while? Regardless of what happened, this is not the time to decide who was right and who was wrong. This is about healing a wound. Apologizing is not an admission that you were wrong. On the other hand, it is proof that you are confident enough to say it. This act will not only make the other party feel much better, it will inspire them. So by being the “bigger person” and apologizing, you create nothing but positive energy all around. This is as rewarding for you as it is for that other person.

Day 4 – Give away a valuable
Nowadays, the only time people give each other anything somewhat meaningful is on birthdays and holidays. What about the other 360-something days of the year? Simply giving contains so much power in and of itself. This is why on day 3, you will choose something meaningful that you will give to someone that you know will like it and/or benefit from it. It must be something in your home, that you already own. Perhaps a painting, or a book. Something that you hold dear and that will bring happiness and value to the person you choose to give it to. You see, sharing your wealth is one of the best ways to prove how much you care and necessary to becoming a good person. These types of gifts are so much more powerful than anything given on birthdays or holidays, because it shows that you gave it because you wanted to, not because you had it. This brings a whole new meaning to that gift and will make the person appreciate it even more!

Day 5 – Volunteer your time
The first few days, you have given back to the people close to you, but now, it is time to take this further than the comfort of your own surroundings! Giving back to your community and your society is just as important, and an integral part of making everything as a whole, a much better existence for all involved. On day 5, it is time for you to give some of your time away. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You can volunteer your time helping out at your children’s school, or at a local community center for example. It doesn’t have to be a full day or many hours. Volunteer the time that you can. What I mean is that instead of watching tv or surfing the web for example, take some of that time and do something that will help contribute to the development of your community. Ask around, could be something at work or related to a particular activity that you do. Nobody refuses a helping hand and everyone benefits out of it

Day 6 – Help out a stranger
So many people out there could use the help of some good people. After all, we are all humans and we should stick up for one another. I’ve always been amazed by stories of complete strangers risking their life to help a fellow human being. If we can just help anyone with a fraction of such a commitment, then we’ve all made a difference. On day 6, it’s time to do a kind gesture for a total stranger. Could be helping an elderly person with their bags, or helping a kid cross the street, there are so many tiny gestures that we can do in our daily life to help others it’s incredible. When you see a car break down on the side of the road, most people drive by, thinking that help is on the way or that someone else will stop. How about you become the person that stops? How about you become the person whose gesture makes a total stranger’s day? This is your opportunity to showcase how a good-hearted person reacts in such situations for the greater good of all involved.

Day 7 – Donate
The world is a big place, but in the end, we are a tiny community in the vastness of the Universe. All we have is each other. Although they may not live nearby, there are so many people around the world that need the assistance of good natured people. On this final day, it is time to take your good deeds global! There are tons of really good charities and organizations across the globe that make it their goal to help out those that are in need. Pick any organization about any particular cause that you may hold dear to your heart, and provide them with a donation. The internet makes it really easy now to find such organizations, so this final step is super simple and quick to complete. Donate whatever you can. The amount is not important. What is important is that even though your gesture was simple and quick, the difference it will make will resonate with far greater significance in the grand scheme of things.

So there you have it! 7 days and a better you comes out of it. As a matter of fact, if you have noticed, in becoming a better person, you have affected the lives of so many different people in such positive ways. With such small gestures each day, you have made a difference in your life as well as in other people’s, and that is what becoming a better person is all about. You may find that after these 7 days, you have now developed a habit and that you will continue each and every day to give back. If you have created a “momentum” of doing good deeds and that it will keep on going, then I have done my work. This can indeed become life changing! So you have the challenge and I would love to hear what you all have done and how it’s impacted your life and those around you

Thoughts for the new year..........

Is it possible to never hurry, but to get everything done?

It seems contradictory to our modern world, where everything is a rush, where we try to cram as much into every minute of the day as possible, where if we are not busy, we feel unproductive and lazy.

In fact, often we compete by trying to show how busy we are. I have a thousand projects to do! Oh yeah? I have 10,000! The winner is the person who has the most insane schedule, who rushes from one thing to the next with the energy of a hummingbird, because obviously that means he’s the most successful and important.

Right?

Maybe not. Maybe we’re playing the wrong game — we’ve been conditioned to believe that busier is better, but actually the speed of doing is not as important as what we focus on doing.

Maybe we’re going at the wrong speed. Maybe if we are constantly rushing, we will miss out on life itself. Let’s let go of the obsession with speed, and instead slow down, stop rushing, and enjoy life.

And still get everything done.

Let’s look at how.

A Change of Mindset
The most important step is a realization that life is better when you move at a slower, more relaxed pace, instead of hurrying and rushing and trying to cram too much into every day. Instead, get the most out of every moment.

Is a book better if you speed read it, or if you take your time and get lost in it?

Is a song better if you skim through it, or if you take the time to really listen?

Is food better if you cram it down your throat, or if you savor every bite and really appreciate the flavor?

Is your work better if you’re trying to do 10 things at once, or if you really pour yourself into one important task?

Is your time spent with a friend or loved one better if you have a rushed meeting interrupted by your emails and text messages, or if you can relax and really focus on the person?

Life as a whole is better if you go slowly, and take the time to savor it, appreciate every moment. That’s the simplest reason to slow down.

And so, you’ll need to change your mindset (if you’ve been stuck in a rushed mindset until now). To do this, make the simple admission that life is better when savored, that work is better with focus. Then make the commitment to give that a try, to take some of the steps below.

But I Can’t Change!
There will be some among you who will admit that it would be nice to slow down, but you just can’t do it … your job won’t allow it, or you’ll lose income if you don’t do as many projects, or living in the city makes it too difficult to go slowly. It’s a nice ideal if you’re living on a tropical island, or out in the country, or if you have a job that allows control of your schedule … but it’s not realistic for your life.

I mean "come on".

Take responsibility for your life. If your job forces you to rush, take control of it. Make changes in what you do, in how you work. Work with your boss to make changes if necessary. And if really necessary, you can eventually change jobs. You are responsible for your life.

If you live in a city where everyone rushes, realize that you don’t have to be like everyone else. You can be different. You can walk instead of driving in rush hour traffic. You can have fewer meetings. You can work on fewer but more important things. You can be on your iPhone or Blackberry less, and be disconnected sometimes. Your environment doesn’t control your life — you do.

I’m not going to tell you how to take responsibility for your life, but once you make the decision, the how will become apparent over time.

Tips for a Slower-Paced Life
I can’t give you a step-by-step guide to moving slower, but here are some things to consider and perhaps adopt, if they work for your life. Some things might require you to change some major things, but they can be done over time.

1. Do less. Cut back on your projects, on your task list, on how much you try to do each day. Focus not on quantity but quality. Pick 2-3 important things — or even just one important thing — and work on those first. Save smaller, routine tasks for later in the day, but give yourself time to focus.
   
2. Have fewer meetings. Meetings are usually a big waste of time. And they eat into your day, forcing you to squeeze the things you really need to do into small windows, and making you rush. Try to have blocks of time with no interruptions, so you don’t have to rush from one meeting to another.
3. Practice disconnecting. Have times when you turn off your devices and your email notifications and whatnot. Time with no phone calls, when you’re just creating, or when you’re just spending time with someone, or just reading a book, or just taking a walk, or just eating mindfully. You can even disconnect for (gasp!) an entire day, and you won’t be hurt. I promise.
4. Give yourself time to get ready and get there. If you’re constantly rushing to appointments or other places you have to be, it’s because you don’t allot enough time in your schedule for preparing and for traveling. Pad your schedule to allow time for this stuff. If you think it only takes you 10 minutes to get ready for work or a date, perhaps give yourself 30-45 minutes so you don’t have to shave in a rush or put on makeup in the car. If you think you can get there in 10 minutes, perhaps give yourself 2-3 times that amount so you can go at a leisurely pace and maybe even get there early.
5. Practice being comfortable with sitting, doing nothing. One thing I’ve noticed is that when people have to wait, they become impatient or uncomfortable. They want their mobile device or at least a magazine, because standing and waiting is either a waste of time or something they’re not used to doing without feeling self-conscious. Instead, try just sitting there, looking around, soaking in your surroundings. Try standing in line and just watching and listening to people around you. It takes practice, but after awhile, you’ll do it with a smile.
6. Realize that if it doesn’t get done, that’s OK. There’s always tomorrow. And yes, I know that’s a frustrating attitude for some of you who don’t like laziness or procrastination or living without firm deadlines, but it’s also reality. The world likely won’t end if you don’t get that task done today. Your boss might get mad, but the company won’t collapse and the life will inevitably go on. And the things that need to get done will.
7. Start to eliminate the unnecessary. When you do the important things with focus, without rush, there will be things that get pushed back, that don’t get done. And you need to ask yourself: how necessary are these things? What would happen if I stopped doing them? How can I eliminate them, delegate them, automate them?
8. Practice mindfulness. Simply learn to live in the present, rather than thinking so much about the future or the past. When you eat, fully appreciate your food. When you’re with someone, be with them fully. When you’re walking, appreciate your surroundings, no matter where you are.
   
9. Slowly eliminate commitments. We’re over committed, which is why we’re rushing around so much. I don’t just mean with work — projects and meetings and the like. Parents have tons of things to do with and for their kids, and we over commit our kids as well. Many of us have busy social lives, or civic commitments, or are coaching or playing on sports teams. We have classes and groups and hobbies. But in trying to cram so much into our lives, we’re actually deteriorating the quality of those lives. Slowly eliminate commitments — pick 4-5 essential ones, and realize that the rest, while nice or important, just don’t fit right now. Politely inform people, over time, that you don’t have time to stick to those commitments.

Try these things out. Life is better when unrushed. And given the fleeting nature of this life, why waste even a moment by rushing through it?

All the best for this coming year 2011