This is how I feel today! Why? My eldest daughter is 13. She has a boyfriend. I used to always stress, that she is only 13 and now I catch myself telling everybody - "well,she is nearly 14" in order for me to feel better? I am not sure, but I am now confronted with all sorts of things Kissing or "Tonsil-tennis" as her little sister calls it. She is 11 and still my "baby" she is my watchdog and informs me on every details her big sister is up to.
When your kids enter a different stage in their life, then your life can either be pleasant or full of horror. I mean it starts with sleepovers. These take place regularly in our house and they all sleep in the same room. They chat till the morning hours and then fall asleep. When they part the next day, they are all dreamy and lazy until they are alone with the parents. They transform into demons from the dark and make your life hell. They take 48 hours to recover and in between that they are surely trying to plan the next sleepovers. That is why I hate them. Cause the truth is, they actually don't sleep. But now having a boyfriend, these sleepovers turn me and my husband into undercover CIA agents on the watch! We turn into demons and the lack of sleep reminds us of the days when we took turns carrying our baby girl around through a dark house, cause she was ill or teething. Gone are those days, we are already missing so much. But I cannot have this website and complain without whipping up some kind of solution to you all out there.
Teens need clear instructions on what is going to happen. Their brains are "under construction" and unable to follow complex orders or plans. That is why I have limited my talking to "rules" I make clear what is allowed and how sleeping arrangements will be. I know that if they are up to things beyond kissing they will do it anyhow. But if I offer them a warm bed in the middle of the night and let them even share a bed, then I am actually inviting them to go and "do their own thing". I am just learning and trying to find the best ways. At the same time, I am aware of the fact that what works out with the eldest,will be a totally different ballgame with the other kids that are about to follow in that direction.
Yes, I do miss the "baby days" but I also enjoy talking to my teenager about all big things and small things. I love to see, how she slowly matures and makes up her own mind about the world around her. I embrace the relationship I have with her and I feel brave and so connected to her, as she knows she can tell me anything. But, yes I am scared about allot of things I may decide wrong. It is not easy but it is a journey we all have to take with our kids. So, hang in there I am telling you and myself, keep your ears and your heart open and it will be just fine.
I can relate to this so much. And its true, that having bigger kids is in a way lovely, too.
ReplyDeleteAlice