do you remember that first baby growing in you and you were determined to do everything right from the start. Trying to intellectually stimulate them with music is only the beginning of endless ideas on how to be the super parent with the super kid.
I remember it very clear. But after four kids I have learned a lesson - even more than one.
These are just suggestions. And I am aware of the fact that some points are hard to adapt to, but one thing is for sure if you want a less controlled environment where the whole family feels safe and free then obviously that would lead to better relationships.
Have you ever counted how many times a day you say the word NO? It is an instinct. A child feels controlled and you feel stressed. Just let go. Try and avoid NO and work around it to make it sound more positive "That sounds like a great idea, let`s keep that in mind".
When you get angry, it is mostly because you are only seeing one side - your side. Kids have a completely different view of the situation and if you try to understand that view, you certainly will not be angry anymore. You will be more motivated to make her feel better.
Sometimes giving a hug instead of scolding or other controlling methods, makes the world of difference.
The truth is, your child will most of the time not listen exactly what you say but be very much aware in what you do. So, actions count more. A sibling watching you comfort another sibling will learn from that situation.
One word that often does not go with the word child is Respect. I am shocked to see how little respect kids get because they are kids.
One example. A mother is taking a nap on the sofa. Her teenage son turns up his music. The mother is annoyed and bursts into her son`s room (without respectfully knocking) and pulls the plug and shouts "If you ever turn that music up as loud again, I will take your stereo and keep it for a month.
Now, try and imagine the same situation with her husband listening to music in the other room while she is resting. Would she shout at him like that? Most certainly not.
So, why is it that the visitor can break a glas and if the child does it, we hold a long monologue on what she has done wrong and how awful you find this, cause it was your favorite cup. The visitor will hear nothing of this - instead we will try to not make him feel awkward. ........ ....... strange world.
We tend to try and over educate our kids. My advice - get out of the way cause kids learn naturally, without our doing. Stop trying to force a kid to learn what only you think he needs to learn. Instead keep encouraging to explore, read and find out things. Parents should get excited about things, be passionate cause remember C.G. Jung said "If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see weather it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves."
So, you go out there and find your passion.
Now, just relax......I am a relaxed parent and still feel time rushing past too fast. You know when you talk to older people where their kids are out of the house. You can divide these older folks in 2 groups. Some will say," isn`t is great to have back that freedom when they finally grow up" - and the others will just say " enjoy your kids". I am kind of in the favor for enjoying my kids NOW. The other group has rushed through bringing up their kids and have maybe never been "touched" by this great being.
But one thing is for sure, you will never forget those happy moments when you said yes, when you let your child play and develop at their own pace, when you stopped controlling and started enjoying with love.
Think about it.
Now, try and imagine the same situation with her husband listening to music in the other room while she is resting. Would she shout at him like that? Most certainly not.
So, why is it that the visitor can break a glas and if the child does it, we hold a long monologue on what she has done wrong and how awful you find this, cause it was your favorite cup. The visitor will hear nothing of this - instead we will try to not make him feel awkward. ........ ....... strange world.
We tend to try and over educate our kids. My advice - get out of the way cause kids learn naturally, without our doing. Stop trying to force a kid to learn what only you think he needs to learn. Instead keep encouraging to explore, read and find out things. Parents should get excited about things, be passionate cause remember C.G. Jung said "If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see weather it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves."
So, you go out there and find your passion.
Now, just relax......I am a relaxed parent and still feel time rushing past too fast. You know when you talk to older people where their kids are out of the house. You can divide these older folks in 2 groups. Some will say," isn`t is great to have back that freedom when they finally grow up" - and the others will just say " enjoy your kids". I am kind of in the favor for enjoying my kids NOW. The other group has rushed through bringing up their kids and have maybe never been "touched" by this great being.
But one thing is for sure, you will never forget those happy moments when you said yes, when you let your child play and develop at their own pace, when you stopped controlling and started enjoying with love.
Think about it.
